What Was That?
THE INITIATION BEGINS
My world was completely knocked upside down in an instant. I had no warning, no previous knowledge of anything that was about to happen to me. To say I was entering a new life blindly would be a serious understatement. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though almost two decades have passed.
Early one fall morning, before the sun had even shone its brilliance, I walked down the long corridor, a young twenty-six years old, and pulled the door open to the yoga room. Teaching yoga was a passion of mine at the time, and I was always excited to dive in and work with those interested in learning this ancient art form. For one sudden moment, an unusual sensation washed over me, a silent rumbling in my center, near my solar plexus, it was something I had never felt before. As subtle as it was, the power behind it was completely foreign to me, but for some reason I had missile lock on its path through my body. It was noticeably uncomfortable, as if I was being pulled into an inner oblivion, a feeling of being wiped away, erased, or extinguished. With slight apprehension I walked into the room to greet the eager students. I had no idea what was about to occur, however, I felt compelled to show up and work through whatever this experience was, to meet it head on.
As the door closed behind me, I suddenly felt disconnected from the body. Continuing to walk to the front of the room, I welcomed everyone as I always did, and began cueing the students through the initial breathing exercise, all the while paying close attention to my inner disruption. I noticed my good friend was in attendance this morning, a fellow teacher who never practiced this early, but for some reason she felt the need to get up at the crack of dawn and stretch.
With each passing breath and my voice automatically teaching, a sudden power surge of energy released and began to travel rapidly up my spine. Feeling this overwhelming movement up my back, an internal heat simultaneously began to rise with it, spreading itself everywhere. This was a newfound heat, unlike anything I had ever experienced. The heat spiked within and sweat poured off of me, and at the same time this power continued increasing in strength up my spine. Feeling like a pressure cooker, was it possible I could self-combust? The thought did enter my mind. I appeared fine on the outside, yet I was anything but fine. My inner world was being pulled into the depths of a hell I did not want to enter. I felt taken over by a radical force that I had no previous experience with. What was happening to me? I had no idea.
TRYING TO MANAGE
I calmly sat down on the front podium, as the words automatically continued out of my mouth. All of my attention was on the explosion brewing in my inner world. The pressure continued rapidly up my spine, then moved into the base of my skull where I could feel this unknown sensation moving up the back of my head. It carried with it a slight pressure as this volcanic eruption moved over the top, settling around the crown. The pressure amped up as if a pile of bricks was pressing down firmly. A white haze began to appear and it seemed like I was entering another awareness, almost as if I was accessing another reality, and at the same time my personality self was on autopilot teaching yoga. I was not dizzy, but rather, I felt I was entering a space I had no preparation for. It was completely out of my wheelhouse.
THE MENTAL ASPECT
To my surprise, I was still teaching class, leading all of the students through the various poses. This was not an easy task, as I felt I was in an inner battle of sorts. How is this possible? How can the words still be coming out automatically, as this freight train bulldozed through me? How am I still standing? Why is no one asking me if I am okay? Can’t they tell something is wrong? These questions were streaming through my mind as I realized I had entered a place of complete uncertainty.
Eventually, an inner vibration let loose and the inner trembling felt unbearable. This trembling was not visible, my body was not spread out all over the floor in convulsions. Every cell of my body was vibrating on an unfathomable level, like an unseen power was squatting within me. Who invited this energy in? I certainly didn’t recall sending out any invitations!
Approaching the water break, and twenty-five minutes into class, I surrendered to this power, to the battle I was fighting, and kindly asked my friend and fellow teacher, the one who just happened to show up this very morning, if she would take over. An angel came to save me that morning, and she was unaware of her mission.
AFTERSHOCKS
I walked out of the room calmly and went directly to lie on the floor in the office. Tears rolled down my face, and for the first time in my life, I felt terrified. Staring up at the ceiling, surveying my insides, my very first thought was, “WHAT WAS THAT?” Seriously, what in the hell was that? I was dumbfounded and afraid. One moment I was fine, and the next something was taking over my body without my consent!
Still staring at the ceiling, the trembling and heat had simmered, tapering off in intensity. The surge that ignited through me was now a mere streaming flow from limb to limb. I had come back into a calm inner state, but something was radically different. I felt altered as if something else was now in control. A slow steady vibration filled me, and in that moment I knew something unusual had introduced itself to me. This was an uninvited, unwanted guest, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.