Regretting Decisions: How to Trust Yourself in the Moment
THE FEELING OF REGRET
Have you ever done something in your life and then despised the decision you made later? Does it eat away at your insides? Are you criticizing yourself? Or are other people judging you for the mistakes you think you’ve made? Regret can weigh anyone down. If you carry this imaginable brick over yourself, it can start to make you feel energetically heavy. If you continue to make decisions you are not happy with, this can build up over time and can leave you feeling hopeless, like you’ll never escape the never-ending trap of so-called “wrong” choices.
If you are yearning to feel good about the decisions you make in your life then it’s important to look at which side of your mind is unhappy. The ego mind, or shall I say, the great JUDGER, will almost always convince you that you have made one mistake after another. It will pull you into a dark hole of suffocating guilt that will make you feel horrible. The ego' mind’s commentary will say things like:
There you go again, you never make the right decision!
You are not strong enough to change this.
You don’t deserve to be happy.
I always do the same WRONG thing over and over and over again. There’s no hope!
I deserve to be punished for my bad decisions.
Even as you read this I am sure your mind is mustering up some other good ones! Self-sabotage can occur if regret is something that you feel happens repeatedly in your life. However, it doesn’t have to be like this. With some very subtle shifts in your mind, you can change not only how you see your decisions, but what they can actually offer you in your life. Are bad decisions really bad? Or can they open up opportunities within your mind to discover a deeper understanding and purpose of the power to choose?
UNDERSTANDING REGRET - A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE
Before you can work to make decisions, you are happy with, it will be helpful to look at why you currently make the decisions you do. Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself to see what resonates with you most.
Are you regretful of a decision because of what other people expect of you?
Are you feeling regret because you feel genuinely bad about the decision you made?
Is someone else persuading you to do things you don’t really want to do?
Do you feel out of control and can’t seem to pull yourself together?
Do you set the best of intentions, visualize what you are going to do, just to watch yourself do the total opposite?
Everyone has the ability to envision what they want. You can spend time creating the perfect scenario in your mind, imagine the way you want your life to go, and then when reality strikes, it seems you’re going somewhere you can’t stand, and you definitely think this should not be happening.
The mind has conscious thoughts, emotions, and feelings that we are aware of, and it also consists of the unconscious, or the shadow. This unconscious aspect breeds memories the psyche tucks away into a nice little hiding spot far away from your current awareness. It stays quiet until it feels the need to come blazing to the surface to be heard. This may not look pretty when it occurs, however, having the unconscious purge to the surface can be the beginning of shifting how you understand your own mind.
If you are experiencing parts of your shadow that seem to sabotage your decision making, before you assume it is bad thing because you regret the decision you made, is it possible it is showing you something that needs to be addressed in your life? Is there an aspect that needs to be heard, and the bad decisions you think you are making are merely symptoms of this larger question? Spending some time thinking about questions like these and others that come up in your mind, can help you start understanding why you have been making regretful decisions.
GETTING RIGHT WITH YOURSELF
To make the changes you desire and get more in touch with what is best for you in the moment, you will need to step outside of the small ego mind and walk into the larger mind, or the awareness field that is present in and around you. This non-judgmental space will allow you to watch yourself without any additional commentary. Learning how to observe your own thinking, behaviors, and emotions without judging yourself is necessary if you want to make better decisions in your life. Joining with the higher spiritual mind which will show you all decisions have value whether your ego thinks so or not.
If you want to trust yourself to make the right decisions in the moment they are happening, then here are several things to consider as you begin shifting your mind.
First and foremost, get clear about what YOU want. If you are uncertain in the moment about what to do, then it might be a good idea to take time to think through your options. Is this something YOU want, or are you feeling pressured into making a decision you know you’ll regret? Are you looking to please others and toss your own feeling aside? Are you worried about what other people will think if you make a different choice?
Does it really matter what anyone thinks of you? If you really want something in your life, then do what makes you happy. There are ways to communicate with others why you are making the decision you are so they will understand where you are coming from. If you express yourself and your reasoning, then you have expressed yourself, respected another in the process, and left the others to create their own opinions about you. It’s completely out of your control what other people think of you, so why waste your own energy worrying about it when you could be pursuing something you love.
Communicate your regrets. If a decision you made affected another person and you feel badly about it, express yourself to them. Communicate that you know you were wrong, and you hope they can forgive you.
Learning how to address others and admit your wrongdoing will make you feel better, even if the other person doesn’t accept it. At least you have done your part and acknowledged where you made errors, you are aware of them, and you are actively working to shift things in your life. Remaining blind to your mistakes keeps you in the same repetitive cycle with no way out.
Can any decision you make really be wrong? It can certainly appear on the surface that some decisions are wrong. If you are harming another person or yourself, that would be considered wrong in the court of public opinion. However, on a much deeper level if the bad decision you made leaves you in a place of learning something that you want to change, how can this be a problem? This can be a wonderful opening into an entirely new way to live. The higher mind will seek a greater purpose in any decision you make, whether you think it was right or wrong. Each choice creates an opportunity to choose again in the future if you are unhappy with the outcome.
If you regret your decisions, and you fall into the mind’s trap of being a bad person, then the ego mind is in full control. If you shift into the larger mind, you will see that this apparent regret is offering you a new way to see. What have you gained from this mistake? What have you learned about yourself? What insights have you collected? Has the experience brought you into a deeper perspective about yourself, about life, etc.?
A final thought, if the only thing that exists is now, then you are always exactly where you need to be. There can’t be any other way than now. The only conflict is the mind and its story about what you should have done. The only thing you can do is learn from any error you think you have made and commit to seeing anything you do in a new light. There is always something you can learn from any decision you make, even if it is a regretful one. Maybe those moments have led you to leading a more meaningful life and a deeper connection with the spiritual side of yourself. This side will always remind you of who you really are, and that nothing of the world can harm the true essence of your spirit.
Open the door to forgiveness? Learning to forgive yourself for any regret you may feel will lead you directly to the gateway of inner peace. It’s okay to make mistakes! It happens to everyone! You are human and this world is not a perfect place by any stretch of the imagination. Be okay with making mistakes and be willing to look at why you did what you did. Inquiring within your own mind will make you feel more comfortable when you act in a way you know you shouldn’t have.
Lighten up a bit, don’t be so hard on yourself, and recognize that you can always make another decision. You can choose a different way in life or make a decision about any surface level item in your daily life. You will inevitably make decisions every day from very small things like what do you want for dinner, into much larger decisions about leaving a career, relationship, or an area you’ve lived your entire life. Underneath all of these choices to make on the outside, there is also the choice with whom you wish to see with, your ego mind, or your spiritual self? Do you want to see in pain or in peace?
Learning to forgive yourself will not only do wonders for how you feel, but it will make it easier to forgive other people. You will see yourself as equal to everyone else, humans just making good and bad decisions all day long! This will lift your energy field too; you won’t feel so bogged down with emotional and critical baggage. You’ll be much more understanding and compassionate with yourself that it’s okay if you make a decision you regret. Because deep down, that decision is gifting you the opportunity to choose again. Choose the wiser teacher awaiting you in your mind that will always show you that your ego’s illusions are false, and that you can always choose to see differently if you are willing to try.