What Happens To Relationships When You Are Not The Same?
DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS
Every human being, no matter if you are going through a spiritual transformation or not, will have relationships in some capacity while living here in this world. Even if you are a hermit, you are in a relationship with yourself, so it is something that all of us have the pleasure of experiencing. Now, as much as we would love to have pleasurable relationships, the dual world presents us with all possibilities, yes? If we are in a relationship long enough, friction will develop and the relationship goes from pleasant to temporarily, or permanently, painful.
You certainly do not have to be in a committed loving relationship for disturbances to happen. Relationships come in so many forms that sometimes we forget the purpose behind them. We have aquaintences, people that we just vaguely know without any real desire to dig deeper. We have casual friends, good friends, best friends, life-long friendships, to name just a few of the many types of friendly relationships we can have. We are children, we are parents, we have girlfriends, boyfriends, fiances, spouses, life partners, colleagues, teachers and students, and whatever terminology you want to give with whomever you are in a relationship with. Then there is being an adolescent and having relationship with your parents, and parents having relationships with their kids.
These different types of relationships, no matter the duration, no matter how wonderful or blatantly awful they may be, provide each one of us with a form of learning. When we get caught up in the mind, and the mental dramas that emerge between two or more people, we often forget that everyone we encounter is teaching us something.
RELATIONSHIPS DURING TRANSFORMATION
We all know how hard relationships can be, then throw in challenges that life brings and the personal changes we can experience and see what happens, right? But, when you are going through a major shift within, when you are changing to the core, all of your relationships may be effected in some way. The difficult part is you never know exactly how people will handle any given situation, and you definitely have no idea how you will handle it either. These are the constant unknowns.
As you begin to shift, depending on the level of your transformation and how much you discuss it, others may react in ways you never thought possible. If you are a private person, and the change you are experiencing is rather subtle, then it is quite possible that your relationships may not be effected in any way. Especially if you are doing an inner study that is very personal and private, no one may recognize that you have any new perspectives because it is something you choose to keep to yourself. This represents a true inner communion without others being involved. Honestly, if we had to choose, this one would be the favorite! Transforming inside, seeing differently, without any outside disturbance sounds almost too good to be true. This sounds possible if you live by yourself and never interact with anyone.
However, for those of you that are experiencing a more intense road and you are surrounded by many different people in your life, then these relationships will be challenged, like it or not. Maybe you are not interested in the same things anymore, or you can’t do the same activities as you previously did, maybe you are recognizing things in those around you that you can no longer tolerate, or you just feel so different that nothing makes any sense anymore, be prepared to either rattle a few feathers, ignite a category five hurricane, or drive people away permanently. The next thing you know YOU want to run as far away as possible like Forest Gump’s epic marathon across the country, just so you can avoid any tumultuous encounters with your loved ones.
This may effect you physically, it may change your thinking, or it may do both, whatever type of awakening you are going through, the closest people around you will most likely be effected. Yes, this is a loss of yourself, it is the letting go of things that no longer serve you. This may drive you to change your lifestyle in dramatic ways, which is not always okay with those you share your life with. You will know fairly quickly if people will tolerate your changes and embrace them, or if they want nothing to do with you. Either way, this is all very normal considering the possibilities of each person’s mind.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN
Lots of different things can happen as you continue to wake up. Depending on the severity of your path, it will effect others in various ways. However, if you are really going through hell, and you can no longer hide it, this is when the rocky road may separate, develop deep cracks and bottomless sink holes as you progress through the many levels of transformation.
If your thinking changes so radically, you may lose friendships that no longer see eye to eye. If you can no longer do activities you used to enjoy with your significant other, the pair of you may not feel you share anything in common, then the relationship may fizzle and end. If you are seeing your friend or significant other in a new way, a way you were blind to before, you may be the one that needs to cut ties because it simply no longer works. Wherever these relationships lead, whether they end or remain, they serve a purpose. These people in your life teach you about yourself, they mirror you in many different ways. They may be admirable people you want to emulate, or quite the opposite, they show you how you NEVER want to be. Either way, they are still amazing teachers.
In family relationships, such as your children, your parents, or your siblings, just because they are family, does not mean they are going to understand and accept you as you transform. Often, family can have the most difficult time because they have always known you to be a certain way, and when this changes, and changes dramatically, it can threaten them and the foundations of their own life, and they may react angrily, unsupportive, unwilling to listen, or they may not say anything at all and choose to ignore it. Each reaction will be different, so it’s best to remain open to all potential outcomes.
A HIDDEN TREASURE
The real opportunity presented for you and whomever you are in the relationship with, familial, friendly, or romantic, is will the relationship stay the same, end, or will it be transformed from an egoic conditional contract into an unconditional lasting commitment. This is the deeper purpose of any relationship. If you are seeking the inner connection and peace of spirit, then the relationships you are in have the opportunity to enter into such a place as well.
This does not always mean that the relationship will last, it simply means that you love the person unconditionally, and whether you are together or not, that feeling will not change. Sometimes you love someone enough to let them go. And sometimes, you love each other enough, that you will be there unconditionally, even if your life together has been altered by circumstances beyond your control. You allow the other person to be who they are, to change as they need, and to love and respect the path that they themselves choose to be on.
This brings us to the concept of change in general. Most of us are simply terrified, when it truly is a hidden treasure. We get comfortable with our lifestyle, with the people we are with, that any sign of disruption can often trigger an impending doom to our minds. What will it be like if things change? What will life be like together if one of us changes and the other one doesn’t? What if we have to actually work at the relationship in order to transform it? These appear to be fairly simple questions, however, when actually put into practice, you soon realize how attached you were to the old life.
Often we get attached to the ideals in our minds about how relationships should be. We can live in a romantic fantasy land thinking that this perfect love story should stay the same forever. Do you know anything in this world that lasts forever? Um, NO! If we have this expectation, and if the relationship is not living up to the dream in your mind, then many people bail, they jump ship to fulfill this mental construct. If you happen to be going through any type of challenge, or struggle that is making you seem different, or you are in a relationship with someone that is, the structure either needs to change with the change that is happening, or it will be met with continuous resistance, and eventually it will break.
A MARRIAGE IN QUESTION
When I was at my absolute worst, where the darkness had crept in and remained stagnant for many years, when I could barely go out and do much of anything, my husband and I ran into more road blocks than we ever imagined. Neither one of us ever saw this experience of mine coming. We were both blindsided, ill prepared, and uncertain where our own love story would lead. As difficult as it was for me to be absent from life, it was just as hard for him to see me struggle and not be able to enjoy the life we used to live together.
Activities we participated in together were on hold, and he became increasingly frustrated with my lengthy trial. I began to wonder if life as a wife and mother, and having a family, taking part in school, extracurricular activities, social gatherings, date nights, etc. was really in the cards anymore. I often felt like running away and becoming a permanent resident in the middle of nowhere! Although, some part of me knew that running wasn’t really solving anything because my mental state was going with me either way.
I told my husband repeatedly that I understood if he couldn’t stay married to me, after all I really wasn’t the same person inside anymore. I gave him many opportunities to leave the relationship if he wanted to. I didn’t expect him to keep waiting for the miracle I was looking for. As much as I didn’t want our courtship to end, I left it in the hands of the larger field of awareness. I knew on some level that if our marriage was meant to last, it would, and if it wasn’t we would part ways.
There came a point in time where things needed to change or both of us were going to implode. The anger we both felt at the situation needed to be fueled into action, or life was going to get much worse, and our time together would come to a disastrous end. With the intense desire for action, I knew that if I didn’t try to figure out how to live in the world with this new found energy within, that I would lose him and our family that I loved.
So, I made a commitment to try. After all, I would never know if I didn’t try. Just shifting my mind about it, began my journey out of hell and into acceptance of what I had become, and what our marriage could become as well. Baby steps, putting one foot in front of the other, breathing in and and breathing out, taking each outing as a brand new learning experience, instead of another moment of utter torture. I remained committed to learn and I never looked back. Acceptance of the classroom I was in changed everything. Not only did it feel like a jump start to my own life, but it was a brand new beginning in our marriage, and in our life together. Having a little willingness was all that was needed. I began to feel inspired rather than stuck, and he became excited as he saw the progress I was making. This was a transformational moment in our life together, and one I will never forget.
As we go down the path of awakening, the unnecessary parts of us die. This is also true of relationships. If the relationship is destined to transform, than a part of the old way must die, so the new unconditional life can begin. Placing conditions, expected outcomes, and pressure on any party in a relationship is dictated by the ego mind. It’s okay if you desire your partner to be a certain way, or act in particular manner, yet is that based on real love, or is that the special love of the small mind? It’s okay to want to help and support, to offer advice, to lift someone up when they are down, or want them to make changes that will help them, however, if they do not live up to your wishes, will you continue to love them, or will they turn into enemy number one?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL
It is difficult to know where you will be in your own relationships as you continue on a spiritual path. You never know exactly where any relationship will end up, we can only take it day to day, live in the moment of what is working and what isn’t, and make decisions accordingly. As much as you want a person to be with you or remain in your life, only time will tell if the other party is able to continue, or if you are able to continue with them. Remember, this includes all types of relationships, not just our romantic involvements.
Take each day and look through the eyes of spirit, see as clearly as possible with what is happening in your life. Sometimes letting things simmer to work themselves out without major force is the most peaceful approach. All parties will know if the relationship is ready to move into a deeper connection or not. If it is, wonderful, and if it isn’t, be grateful that life is leading you in a different direction and the time you spent together made an impact.
Everyone teaches us something in our lives so remind yourself that every person you converse with has some sort of offering, whether you are aware of it or not. Remain dedicated to your role as a student in the classroom. Trust that the connection you are feeling from spirit will guide you exactly where you need to be and with whomever you need to be with. Ultimately the love we are all seeking is not from another person, it is from the eternal love of spirit. And this is the love that lives on forever.