Trade Complaining for Gratitude
THE MIND’S BIG COMPLAINT
Do you complain a lot? Do you realize it or is it simply a habit? Are you around people who are constantly complaining? If you answer yes to any of these questions, what does it make you feel like when you, or those around you, are barking out loud? Are you happy in this moment? Or are you so disgruntled that you lose sight of what else is available to you?
When you are focused on what is wrong in the moment, your attention and energy gives the complaint more energy. When others agree with you, now there is a collective agreement that you are on to something! Have you ever been around people who bond over complaining about a particular person, yet no one addresses the issue directly or does anything about it? There is more camaraderie around this shared complaint that each individual feels justified and validated in this particular judgment.
There’s a big difference between constant repetitive complaining and complaining that turns into an opportunity to change something bothering you. Whether you are aware of it or not, the ego mind receives something out of complaining. What is the ego gaining? What is a main strategy of the ego mind? TO BE RIGHT! The ego mind is notorious for putting the blame outside of itself by projecting it onto someone or something else. This way the ego is protected. It never has to take responsibility for anything and will continue to feel validated. In this case, COMPLAINING is the name of the game.
A DEEPER LOOK AT COMPLAINING
Using the observer in your mind, try and dig a little deeper and see why complaining is a fan favorite for the ego. What is the ego really trying to do? The ego loves to distract, but what is it distracting you from? If you are invested in complaints about your current experience, it’s the mind’s way of perpetually resisting REALITY. The ego mind refuses to accept what is actually happening and will do everything in its power to deter you from seeing the present moment from a much broader perspective.
Resisting what is happening and complaining about everything that is wrong with the moment sends you into further complaining. The more you resist what IS, the more energy you give the complaint. Have you ever been around someone who complains about literally everything? It doesn’t matter what it is, they will find a way to see a problem. It’s so much of a problem that it destroys the moment, potentially ruins their entire day, now they lose sleep over it, and for some extreme cases it ruins their entire life.
Anytime you put energy into something, whether it’s positive or negative, the energy continues to build. The more energy you give it, the intensity rises and consumes you. You can see this with anything in life. However, if you are struggling with your current experience, and you find yourself rushing to complain without seeing the opportunity to change it, then you are stuck in a vicious cycle with no space for other possibilities. But, what if you could transform resistance and complaining into appreciation, gratitude, and an ability to see through form into the content of what is being offered to you.
SWITCH YOUR COMPLAINT INTO GRATITUDE - 5 PRACTICAL LIFE SKILLS
There are different levels to this. Gratitude is a gift, a gift most people overlook. You can be grateful for things in your life, for people in your life, for family, for health, for wealth, whatever it is, gratitude tends to fall under the tangible elements in life. But what about gratitude for the hidden level of awareness that awaits you? What about this sacred space that grants you the gift to see things in a completely new way? Can you begin to see things without your personal identity and look deeper into the perceived moment you are experiencing?
Perhaps it’s time to dive into the deep water and see what complaining might be offering you. When you find yourself grasping the familiar heavy resistance hat, here are 5 things that can help transform a complaint into gratitude.
YOUR PERSONALY ENERGY: Is your current complaint worth losing your energy over? Ask yourself, is really necessary? Is there anything in this moment that you see value in? Take a moment, step out of your thinking mind, and look around. What in this moment can you be appreciative of? What are you grateful for? There is always something, even if it appears tiny.
OTHER WAYS TO SEE THE SITUATION: When you pull back from the mind’s incessant need to whine, join with the silent field for just a moment, what else is available? Is the experience really as bad as your mind is telling you? What is going well in this moment? If things really aren’t going well, what can you do to shift the experience? Can you see that this moment of complaining can offer you a gift of gratitude? Can you be grateful for a moment of unease that is showing you graciousness? Do you see how simple it can be to shift awareness?
DEEPEN YOUR CONNECTION WITH OTHERS: Relationships are one of the best tools to show you gratitude in your life. Everyone complains about people they know. Whether it’s friends or family, colleagues or acquaintances, it’s easy to complain about what others do that you may not like. Again, watch the ego project onto others to make itself right. This is especially true in relationships. Watch what you complain about. Are these harmless personality traits that don’t deserve such scrutiny? Can you focus on the lovely things this person offers or does?
In the event, you are complaining because there is actual harm being done, then can you use this as an opportunity to get out of the relationship? Can you be grateful that this person is granting you access to your own personal power, that you absolutely can disconnect from those that cause harm in your life?
IN TIMES OF STRUGGLE: When life gets challenging, if you are living through serious hardship, it’s common to fall into a state of victimhood. Complaining that your life is horrible, that it will never get any better, that there is no hope only fuels the ego’s strategy. However, can you use this difficult time as a teacher? Can you shift into gratitude by discovering what you are learning in this situation that you may never have known before it happened? What is this hardship teaching you about yourself? Can you see the gratitude in that?
THE BIG PICTURE: When you are tired of complaining and you’re truly ready to see the present moment from a much deeper place, the first thing you want to think about is discerning the current experience before you react. This requires the space within you to be in the front seat of the car and not locked away in the trunk! Allow your personal self, the self that has an opinion and an instant gut reaction, to step back and allow the awareness to lead the way. When you do this, you will see the moment clearer.
For example, if someone is offending you and you typically fight back increasing the friction, can you see where the person is coming from without getting personally involved? Does it concern you or not? If you come from a place of understanding why the person sees in this way, then you can be grateful you have the openness to connect with them. You don’t have to agree, believe, or love what they say, but do you see that you don’t have to consume yourself with it? Can you be grateful for this interaction that previously offered you nothing but irritation and complaining, is now a moment of gracious connection?
These are just a handful of life skills you can access anytime you feel that you are in a cycle of constant complaining. Consider complaining a teacher in disguise to lead you into a state of eternal gratitude. Why be upset when you can be at peace?