Acceptance on the Awakening Path: A Journey into the Mystical
THE UNDOING
Spiritual awakening is anything but easy. Despite beautiful images of saints and sages symbolizing peace, the path to this inner dimension can prove incredibly challenging. The ego has rooted itself so firmly within your identity it becomes difficult to imagine what you are when it fades into the background.
What are you without your established identity in the world? This is not easy to answer because your entire life has been built around you as the center of your own existence. Each person, knowingly or unknowingly, builds a structure and a relationship with the personal self. You identify with what you do, who you are to other people, your commitments and achievements, your possible failures, everything you experience becomes rooted in who you think yourself to be. This is the only way the ego operates within the world of form.
Just think about it for a moment. When you relate to anything in the world, you reflect this information back to your reference point as a separate self. You can also think of this as your center point of self. Every time you receive new information, see something new, or explore a topic of interest, the refection point comes back to yourself.
You can also imagine that each person is essentially the center of his or her own universe. Your vantage point in this world is from the point of separation. You are a separate individual being living amongst other separate individuals. The concept of “WE ARE ALL ONE” floats around within spiritual circles, however, as far as we think, feel, and operate in the world, it appears and feels as though we are separate identities.
When the awakening process begins, and this will be unique to each person, your identity will slowly dissolve. Your entire belief system will be put on trial and questioned until proven false. The illusion of separation will begin to shine brighter as you disconnect with the ego identity. In theory it sounds extraordinary to lose the grip of the ego’s dictatorial rule, however, when your identity is in question, you realize just how addicted you are to your special unique self.
You begin to see how much you hold onto your thoughts, beliefs, opinions, judgments, and positions about any given thing in the world. You might find yourself desperately clinging to these beliefs even more, as the ego begins to dissolve.
There will be a period of time of complete uncertainty, a period of limbo, and possible disorientation as you have not yet landed into the larger spiritual awareness. You might feel lost floating at sea without any direction or destination in sight, leaving you frightened about the unknown journey ahead. Where are you headed? Will you feel a sense of self or is it lost forever? What awaits you is unknown, hence the mind’s reaction of fear.
THE MYSTICAL LIFE
As your ego self diminishes, and the veil of separation thins, the spiritual side of life will come into zoom. It may begin with moments of feeling connected with everything around you. Your personal boundary vanishes, and you feel limitless within the field of awareness surrounding all things. You might lose your feeling of separation with others close to you, with objects in your vicinity, and your center point of reference begins to evaporate. The veil is slowly lifting. You feel more than just a point of reference amongst other separate objects. You start feeling part of the whole and the boundary of separation is fading.
The mystical life, similar to the contemplative path, lacks accurate language. So much of the experience is outside of the tangible world. Spirit resides in the unseen realm, the intangible space between all things, and you begin to feel it’s powerful presence. How is this possible? How can you feel something you cannot see? Can you feel your emotions, yet you cannot see them? Can you sense when something is wrong with someone, yet you did not see anything happen? The spirit within you knows. It’s beyond the five sensory system.
The ego mind identifies with form and when it begins to sense something larger than itself, it has no frame of reference, which is why the undoing process feels unbelievably strange. You have one foot in the world of form as an individual self, and the other foot is experiencing the formless. This is the teeter totter, the back and forth with an unstable bridge.
The more you blend into the mystical world, your ego will naturally put up walls of resistance and project fear directly in front of you. When this happens, it’s easy to let fear takeover because that is what you have been accustomed to. See fear as the ego protecting itself. That is all. The ego senses a greater power in town, and it doesn’t like it. It will absolutely put up a fight.
ACCEPTING THE PROCESS AS IT IS
As unusual as the mystical experience may be, as you get your feet wet into a completely new experience, much like a floundering fish out of water, accepting the process will keep you connected in the present moment. Staying present will help you navigate through the limitless experience of spirit.
When the path gets challenging, when you feel like you are losing your sense of self, and you are frightened about where you are headed, trust that you are exactly where you need to be when you need to be there. Even when you think all is lost and the darkness is too great, know that you cannot be any other place than you are. Shift into the student and welcome the opportunity to see in a completely new way.
It may be a while before you feel a sense of wholeness again. You might go back and forth between the mystical realm and the material world sparking uncertainty, confusion, and an undetermined period of unsettling. You may think you’ll never feel your feet on the ground again. You might experience such altered states of consciousness that returning to the daily grind of constant chaos seems impossible. You might wish for your old life back and for the comfort of your protected ego self. However, your old way of life will never be exactly the same, and that is okay. The awakening process is pulling the illusory curtain up so you can experience your true essence beyond form.
Allow your spiritual essence to guide you as best as you can, even when your mind is terrified of the unknown. The teeter totter will begin to slowdown the more familiar you are with experiencing formlessness. Expanded states of consciousness are very different experiences than anything you’ve felt before. Over time, the more you are pulled into this realm, the more comfortable you will feel. Your wobbly legs will begin to strengthen, and you will become the solid steady bridge of light between both worlds.