Merging With the Observer
EASING IN
Of all the topics within spiritual transformation, this one may prove to be the most difficult to explain, let alone experience. Up until now we have discussed much about viewing life with the observer, that larger awareness that is part of our higher selves. While viewing life in this way, it appears there are two subjects perceiving, you and this larger awareness, both peering out into the world around us. But what happens when these two subjects become one? What happens when they blend into one field?
As human beings we experience life as separate individuals. Not only do we feel separate from everything around us, but we see things as separate. We see a boundary, an outline of each object that defines where it begins and ends. For instance, I see my body, I see its frame, I see the kitchen table and its lines that form its shape, I see every item around me as a solid and separate object. Nothing appears to be blending together. In fact, solid objects will only bump into each other, repel one another, or crash in the process. They don’t merge easily.
When you experience a soak in the ocean, a swimming pool, or hot tub, at first you ease into it, adjusting to whatever temperature feels comfortable, maybe at first you step just a foot in, then both feet, then your torso, until you are completely submerged. After a short period of time, eventually you feel yourself weightless in the water. You physically see yourself as separate from the water, but the feeling is one of flow and ease, of natural fluidity. If you let yourself relax, and let the water move you, you can begin to feel connected to the movement and direction the water is moving. In many ways, when you join with the observer enough, when you are that connected, you feel like the flowing water in your daily life.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO MERGE?
Merging with the observer can be met with shock to say the least. This is a very obvious shift, even if you are unable to identify exactly what has happened. You know something is dramatically different, but you cannot quite figure out what shifted. All you are certain of is a massive shift in consciousness has just occurred, and your life no longer feels remotely the same.
The main difference between seeing with the observer, and merging with the observer is you will no longer have a center point to fall back upon when you merge with the greater awareness. Your personal identity, the center reference point of you, the center you have always reflected back upon throughout your life, may vanish. It may completely vanish, or just slightly, however the feeling of having a solid center disappears. What does that mean exactly? It means that the point of reflection inside of you is gone. You now feel connected to everything around you. You no longer feel where you begin and end, you simply expand beyond what your eyes are telling you is a body. You conceptually know you are still in a body, you still see out of the same two eyes, yet the inner solidity feels dramatically different.
This expansive sensation can be quite alarming. How do you get used to feeling EVERYTHING and still go about your daily life? It’s not easy, not easy at all. You begin to feel so overwhelmed by the power of this field of consciousness, that your identity is left in the background. For some, it may completely disappear, for others it’s just hanging out in the background, either way, the connection to all things is a dominant presence in your life. You can’t ignore it, it’s so large, so in your face, that you simply cannot deny what you are experiencing. You may not understand it, but it doesn’t stop it from happening.
MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER
The only reason I can explain this stage is because it happened to me. Otherwise, I would not have a clue what I was talking about. Before it happened, I had never read anything about feeling connected to everything, to losing your sense of a separate identity, that it literally shocked the hell out of me. Believe me when I say this, I would not have understood myself before this happened, so I understand that this part of awakening may be difficult to comprehend for those of you that have not had such a collision.
I had already been thrown into the awakening path for many years until one day my consciousness suddenly shifted, and it wasn’t subtle either. It’s like something just said, “Okay, now it’s time to turn it up a notch!” This felt like more than a notch, it felt like an unfair megadose of information I wasn’t yet ready for. It came on like a freight train, just like my initial encounter up my spine, except this one came pushing up through the center of my head. None of us like dealing with anything that has to do with our heads. It always brings up a level of fear. This inner event came pushing up through the middle of my head, and with a consistent pressure that just kept building. This pressure quickly progressed and felt as if a balloon was blowing up inside of me. I could feel an expansive space building within, and a part of me new this boundary would not hold, there would eventually be a point of explosion.
Just as I suspected, the balloon reached its capacity and BURST! It felt like a painless pop within, and simultaneously my visual field expanded from tunnel vision, into a whole new world of information. I was picking up more detail than ever before, and it was totally and completely overwhelming. I could not function in this. After the bubble burst, and my world opened up, an energy streamed through my entire body, beginning with my neck, down my arms, through my torso, into my thighs, then down to my toes. This energy felt like a steam roller, a powerful movement, unlike anything I had ever felt before. I sat in awe, dumbfounded, and quite simply in shock at what I had just experienced. At the time, I had no idea what had just happened.
Now, that might sound pretty radical, but that’s what happened. I went from central pointed focus or vision, into universal vision. I suddenly merged into that larger field that I had experienced at times before, except the difference now was it wasn’t going away. It was now permanently in my day to day life.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OBSERVER?
In my case, it took me several months, maybe even a year, to figure out exactly why I felt so different. What was it exactly? I noticed that the observer was missing, like it just vanished. Prior to the balloon bursting within in my head, I could still see myself and the observer as two separate subjects. During the expansion in my head, in that moment I moved into the observer’s field, closer than I had ever felt it before. It seemed like I WAS the observer, I didn’t notice it as a separate subject anymore, and there was no longer a separate identity present, either that or it was just on a long vacation!
This can also be explained as moving from center pointed focus into universal focus. It’s a complete shift in consciousness. If all of your life you were living in center pointed focus, then suddenly, out of nowhere, you are viewing life through a much larger lens, life gets pretty weird for awhile! It’s so spontaneous and out of your hands that it takes time to make sense of what has changed.
This universal focus brings more visual information into your sight than before, so the nervous system may take time to adjust which depends on the level of shift you have experienced. However, because our nervous system is how we experience the world around us, there will be some degree of adjustment needed. You might notice difficulty in doing activities you used to do. Be patient during this time. Take care of yourself and do what feels comfortable and doable. Being alone in nature, getting into solitude, or just slowing down a bit can help mitigate some internal stress you may be feeling. There is always something you can do that will alleviate some of your discomfort.
THE REAL MARRIAGE
As time goes by, this merging or universal awareness becomes normal, just like your experience of life before was considered normal, this too will become normal. Your larger view, as strange and surreal as it may seem at first, will slowly grow on you. Your senses will slowly adjust to your new perceptual shift.
You have merged with the vastness, this larger intelligence field, and your view of life has changed forever. You are still in body, your personality self still continues on as it always has, yet you feel and experience the world totally differently. You feel part of a larger energy field, and the feeling of your solid body, although there, feels secondary. It doesn’t mean you don’t take care of the body, it doesn’t mean you ignore it, it simply means you are more connected to something greater, something uniting us all. This is the real marriage, the sacred union you are creating within yourself.
We create marriage in the world, a union between two people, to merge as one spiritual couple and go through life together, supporting one another through the roller coaster of events life brings our way. We are individuals in this relationship, yet merge into one unit in order to keep the marriage alive. Some people choose this route, while others want no part of it. Marriage in the world is merely a symbol of our real connection to our spiritual Self.
When you create a relationship with the observer, then eventually merge into the larger field of awareness, and shift into universal perception, there is a connection to something more, something larger than yourself. There is a part of you that is gone, you don’t know where, but it’s simply not there.
This is a union you cannot deny, nor do you want to. It brings depth and a larger awareness into your life. It becomes a sacred union within yourself that always remains, a permanent bond. There may be times when your focus is elsewhere, but this eternal viewpoint has been activated, and will always be available.
Merging allows you to flow easier in your life, to accept what is in front you, change it if you need to, but without all the added drama. You know there is so much more to this life and what lies beyond it.