Ego Death: Losing Yourself and the Illusion of Life
LET THE SHIFT BEGIN
Is something inside of you feeling a little off? Is there a movement within that has caught your attention but you refuse to acknowledge it? Are you actively pushing it into the background. Is something new and unfamiliar knocking at your door? Are you hearing the knock but refuse to see who and what is there? When you sense something brewing within you, but can’t quite understand what it is, you begin to sense that things are about to change. Your intuition knows that this profound feeling is pulling you in a direction you are very uncertain about. The unknown experience is now a dominate force in your life, which often creates an underlying fear.
Feeling something new and different inside, yet powerful beyond anything you have previously felt sends your imagination into overdrive trying to figure out what it is you are feeling. As this inner shift continues and moves you toward a shift in your perception, a shift in your thinking, or a shift in your consciousness, you soon realize this power is out of your hands. You feel powerless, like you are losing control of your life as this process begins to take hold. This process of losing yourself, recognizing there is something other than the identity self is often referred to as ego death, or loss of the small self with whom you believed yourself to be.
Ego death is discussed in the spiritual awakening community, the new age realm, certain psychological teachings, religious perspectives throughout the ages, and different cultures of the world which simply means the death of an illusory identity, the person you have been thinking you are, this special individual unique being that we appear to be while we are living in this world. You could say it’s the entire individual self, the separate persona we see ourselves as, that we have become so identified with the body and the mind that we believe that is what we are. Until something happens in our lives, whether it be a spontaneous event or the desire to seek something greater, we have difficulty seeing there is more to this story we call life.
DEFINE EGO DEATH
There are wide interpretations and traditions on the concept of ego death and what it actually means. There are many levels to the eventual dissolution of the ego in its entirety. Some schools of thought suggest that the ego death is a complete and total annihilation of the ego itself, leaving the person remaining in body with only pure conscious awareness. This perspective implies that the identification with a separate person is no longer there, that the person experiencing the loss of self is no longer attached to their old persona or character as a separate being. The separate self has died. They simply view life from the perception of a larger consciousness and have no self-involvement with anything. You could also refer to this type of awakening as the experience of “no self,” there is no longer attachment, expectation, or any other personal storyline running through them. Life at this point simply is.
Many assume that ego death is a process that happens on their own volition, that a person can will their own ego to die. You can certainly try, but it seems that when the process is really going to happen, you will have no say in the matter, in fact you might be going through such turbulence, such a dark night of the soul, that you cannot bare another moment of this hell. You are wishing the entire process away. But, now you are so deep in there is nothing you can do except surrender to the process that has engulfed you. It is possible that one can wake up instantly, or have an experience in one moment that alters their consciousness forever. However, it doesn’t mean that the person doesn’t have an adjustment period, a period of transition on how to live in this new way, or what life is now like seeing with a completely new perception. Most people will experience a slower transitional process of the ego taking a back seat. An instant switch is no easy feat which is why most of us need a step by step approach. Just think of the lifetimes we have been coming back here!
You could interpret Jesus’s message of the Christ as the recognition of the Christ Consciousness in all things, which eliminates separation between God and ourselves. That each one of us will wake up to the oneness that is all things, which can lead to an ego death. From this viewpoint Jesus was simply reminding humanity of the real essence that resides in all of us, that it was not special to him. Now, in the religious perspective, Jesus was the special son of God who is held up on a pedestal. From the religious point of view the rest of us do not share in this ability to connect with God. But what if the message is simple. What if religion is over complicating something that is available to all of us? Was this intentional or just misunderstood? Is it possible that each living thing is the son of God who has the memory of Home within them? Is it possible that we all have our own blueprint to return to what we really are as God? Does ego death really transition us to this place? It seems Jesus’s message could have been hinting at this exact thing, that we are all equally the son of God, that we are all the one son.
THE PAIN OF LOSING THE SELF
The actual experience of losing yourself can be unbelievably difficult. It’s one thing to read about the process and the dark nights of the soul recorded by many throughout history, but when it happens to you, the process can be quite debilitating, disorienting, dark, and extraordinarily painful. You may not realize just how attached you are to your identity or how much you believe in separation and specialness of the unique individual seld. It may not have ever crossed your mind because it’s what you thought you were, however, when something larger awakens within to show you otherwise, this can become a battle you were not prepared for.
It’s the battle that gets ugly, the battle that you think you are in. Sensing the loving presence of spirit while still having this identity self present becomes obvious and you begin to see how illusioned you were. Everything you held dear, all the beliefs and truths you thought were real, are now showing you otherwise. This realization that nothing you see in front of you is real can be devastating to your ego mind. When recognizing that you are nothing in the face of the everything, the fear can become excruciating and downright terrifying. The notion that it would be easy and something you were seeking, now becomes a nightmare that you wished never happened.
WAKING UP FROM THE ILLUSION
This is an “illusion” is a common statement people use when referring to consciousness and the higher levels of it that the human has an opportunity to experience. There are certain philosophies throughout the world that refer to this world as being illusory, meaning it ultimately is not real. That this is merely a projection of mind and the “real” world is outside of this realm. Reality is only one eternal essence. Exactly what is meant by, “This is an illusion?” Are there levels to this understanding?
Some will speak of the illusion as only being in the mind, specifically our personal thinking mind. The illusion of believing our thinking, or believing in an imaginative story we are creating that isn’t actually happening is a level of an illusion. Seeing the reality in front of your face and listening to a fictitious play in your mind are two different scenarios. When you wake up to this discrepancy it becomes part of waking up from the illusion. You can apply this type of illusion to your day-to-day life. Are you present in the moment, the reality that is really playing out, or are you listening to the cyclical nonsense that the chatter box is creating? Are you waking up from the illusion of the ego mind’s trickery?
Now, you can take this illusion to much deeper levels and begin to question if this entire life we are living is real or not? In certain teachings such as the Vedanta in India, Buddhism, and in more current times the Course in Miracles have similar theories in that this entire world is merely an illusion, and the only reality is God. The notion that there is a real special individual self is simply not true, and our real Self is beyond this realm. Within this level of illusion, there cannot be some truth in this world and truth in reality. This world is either real or not, but they do not work together. This is a difficult concept for most of us to wrap our heads around. The idea that everything we are doing here is essentially meaningless is impossible to the mind. If everything in this world is unreal, and the only thing that is Real is the one true God, then isn’t everything within this so called creation made up? This is a philosophical debate that could be discussed as long as we find our selves here.
DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW?
People who claim to have reached a level of spiritual knowledge seem dead set on knowing the truth of our reality. Maybe they do. However, if we are still in body, living in the world, which could be a complete unreal illusion, than how can they be in the reality of God at the same time? If you are Home, then it seems the need to be separate in the illusory game is no longer necessary. The question of how one would absolutely know this until they are Home within the Absolute seems suspect.
People who have near death experiences have the most interesting and fascinating stories to tell when they return back to the body. They all have similar insights into the certainty of their existence beyond the body which must give them a real sense of peace. Not to mention their fear of death vanishes after seeing what lies beyond. However, one thing to point out is everyone who is talking about their near death experience came back. The question becomes, do they really know what permanently lies beyond if they came back here? Do we really know the Totality until we are actually there eternally?
The most common theme today which is spreading far and wide throughout the metaphysical science community is that consciousness is who we are. Applying the notion above, if everything here is unreal then isn’t the idea of consciousness, which is simply something that is aware of something else, also part of that unreality? Maybe while we are in body having this experience in a world that appears to be real there is consciousness and the higher vibrations that go along with that, but is that our ultimate reality? When asking about our ultimate reality, is it what we really are, the Totality? Is consciousness merely a stepping stone that leads us out of our own identity and into something much greater? Yet is consciousness really the end? Is it the absolute? Or, is consciousness a preparation for what lies beyond? These are questions to ponder if this is something you think about. When you really start to awaken from who you thought yourself to be, you may find these questions interesting.
FULL EGO DEATH
Applying the illusory principle, if this world is separate from the real truth of Reality, and if the mind that we are in which is projecting this world is part of that separation, then it seems that both our body and mind are part of the complete ego death, not just the mind. When we fully wake up from this illusion or dream, then we cease to be in a body or a mind that perceives separation. To be in complete wholeness and oneness with God means we return to that totally and completely. Saying you have had a complete ego death while living in the body which is still walking in an illusory world seems impossible.
However, losing the self slowly, seeing what the ego is and how it operates, adopting a spiritual practice that helps you feel the larger awareness are simply preparations for the final letting go of not only your separate identity, but the entire separate world you believed to be real. It seems that a complete loss of the ego, which is responsible for the world of separation, can only happen when you awaken to the Totality. Everything else you may experience in the world is simply pulling back more and more layers of unreality until you are pulled back into where God truly resides. If God is wholeness, oneness, and the everything, then everything else ceases to be.
Many people find themselves obsessed with losing the ego. What part of the obsession is actually stemming from the ego itself? Finding time to feel the inner silence that is always available can pull you into that larger field of awareness and send the ego to the background. The more you can step outside of the separate mind and connect to this field of consciousness the less active the ego will be in your life. This does not mean the ego is gone, it simply means that your focus is now on choosing to see with a larger Teacher.