Spiritual Bypassing: What is it Exactly?

WHAT IS SPIRITUALY BYPASSING?

Have you heard of this term, spiritual bypassing? Whether you’ve heard of it or not, the concept is simple enough to understand, and chances are you’ve fallen prey to it yourself, or know other people who have. Spiritual bypassing was coined in the 1980’s by an existential psychologist, author, and teacher named John Welwood who spent his career integrating spiritual and psychological concepts. He referred to spiritual bypassing as a tendency to use spiritual practices and ideas as a means of avoiding deeper emotional and psychological issues. In his view this could be detrimental to one’s human experience as they grab ahold of ideals of non-attachment, in particular in Buddhist practices, instead of looking deeper within themselves to see what the real problem is. In his opinion, there can be a premature goal of awakening before one has truly done the work within themselves to be capable of truly letting go of it. (Fosella, Tina, Welwood, John (Spring 2011). Human Nature, Buddha Nature. Tricycle: The Buddhist Review.)

This concept of spiritual bypassing can also be seen in students of A Course in Miracles. The main concept of the world being unreal can lead people to deny dealing with any conflict in life, including personal and professional relationships. What’s the point, right? This is an illusion anyway, so why bother? This perception is not necessarily what the Course is teaching. In fact, in the practical sense, A Course in Miracles says exactly the opposite. It reminds us to look at our ego minds and use our relationships to see with the Holy Spirit so we can correct the error of separation that is sitting in the mind. Spiritual teachings present such lofty ideals that can be enticing for some to aim for the stars, instead of focusing on what’s directly in front of them.

You certainly don’t need to use spiritual bypassing to “bypass” issues in your life, do you? Many people avoid dealing with anything. It’s easier to run away than it is to deal with difficult situations. Have you ever ran from something, simply because you didn’t want to face it? Or were you running to spiritually meditate on a mountain top to detach from the matter at hand? Either way you look at it, most people do some form of running away, whether they use spiritual bypassing, or simply use different means of escapism and avoidance. No matter the surface reason, it is always the ego mind strategically dodging important issues, which is its ultimate strategy, to stay in the game of the world indefinitely.

ESCAPING OR AVOIDING CURRENT CONFLICT

Although spiritual practice can be beneficial, it can also be used to avoid or escape the pressures of daily life. Trying to reason that the world is an illusion, or that I need to practice the art of detachment, so I refuse to work on my marriage, is sweeping it under the rug. It doesn’t mean the issue disappears because you refuse to work on it. Spiritual practice may be considered a form of working on it for some people. If I do my spiritual practice today, I will feel more peaceful, and that peace will come through in my next argument with my spouse, right? Not always! In order to actually remain calm during a disagreement or argument in any relationship requires work in the moment the conflict arises. It requires taking a hard honest look at not only what the other person is doing, but what YOU are doing. Practicing it while it happens seems to be an affective way to improve the situation.

Other common techniques that can lead to avoiding or escaping challenging conflicts in life are focusing on positive thoughts and only positivity, regurgitating daily affirmations, tossing off everything as an illusion so life is one big party, attending church on Sunday as a means to enter Heaven, passive aggressive behavior or ignoring others, performing daily rituals to please a Guru, Master, or a God, as well as denial of personal responsibility. All of these are forms of retreating. Although some of these techniques may appear helpful, when taken to an extreme level they are denying the real problem. Repositioning your focus does not equal a solution to a recurring obstacle in your life.

For example, if you have a child who is constantly in trouble at school, is rebelling outside of school, won’t listen to anything you say, disregards any rules you put in place, no amount of positive thinking, spiritual practice, meditation, or claiming the situation is an illusion will change the impasse you may have with your child. Although there may not be an easy solution for the difficulties of parenting, acting like it isn’t happening is certainly not going to make it go away. Life has a way of presenting things over and over until we actually deal with them.

GAP BETWEEN SPIRITUAL PRACTICE AND PRACTICAL LIFE

Many spiritual practices create a gap between mental detachment of constructs and applying the spiritual teaching to what is going on in your life. You might learn to sit in meditation for hours, to learn how to completely detach and disconnect from the world around you yet have no idea how to handle the regular occurrences and relationship turmoil in your life. Learning spiritual practices can be very liberating, freeing, and calming to you personally, but if they do not offer insight on how to apply this liberation to your interaction with others, what is the purpose?

This is why A Course in Miracles is so different than many spiritual teachings. It aims to bridge the gap between the discovery of personal enlightenment and continuing a normal life in the world. The Course does not ask you to do anything different. No ritual, no prayer, no meditation, and no pressure to form a group religion. What it is teaching you is to simply look at the thought system of the ego mind and choose another teacher, the Holy Spirit. It’s not a practice in meditation or detachment, or leaving the world behind, it’s a practical life Course. However, because the metaphysical principles of the Course refer to the world as unreal, many take this and run full steam ahead in bliss Ville! Why deal with anything if this ultimately isn’t real? Why spend the time? Well, the reality is we BELIEVE it is real and apparently need to face the very loud music we often forget to address.

Let’s say you have been through a series of traumatic events. You decide that a spiritual practice will free your mind, and it certainly might. You become determined to transcend your trauma by focusing on getting out of it. Disconnecting from what you held so deeply seems like a solution. It might be for some people, but for many the trauma that they ran from will creep up in the future until it is thoroughly looked at. Is there a way to integrate doing the mental work and staying connected to your spirituality? Instead of thinking there’s a one size fits all answer, maybe it’s an individualized approach, implementing the practical life applications that will allow you to truly understand the depths of the experience. Having compassion for yourself, feeling what you feel, and acknowledging the current truth you have in front of you, as opposed to reaching spiritual or objective truth, can bring clarity and peace in a healing way.

WHAT ARE SPIRITUAL IDEALS AND ARE THEY ATTAINABLE?

There seems to be a desire to achieve a perfect spiritual state of being. What is that exactly? Can anyone explain what this would look like in human form? Is this another form of spiritual bypassing? When there is a quest to detach from the temptations of the world, to reach a state of ecstasy, nirvana, bliss, eternal love, and transcend the suffering of the world, there is a sense of idealism that goes along with it. Creating this image encourages people to attain a certain spiritual hierarchy, or be put up on a spiritual pedestal. Is any of this possible in the world of duality?

If it were possible to reach a level of awareness, would you really need to avoid your humanness? Sitting alone in meditation feeling expansion and ecstasy is one thing, but the moment you come back to the body and enter the world of conflict, you will inevitably be tested. The only way to test your feeling of liberation and peace is to go back into the world and live normally, to fully embrace it. See how quickly you feel anger arise when someone attacks you, see how tempted you are to protect yourself when someone insults you or your loved ones. It’s almost an automatic response within the ego structure. If you never spend time looking at this construct, your aspirations of spiritual idealism will never be met.

There is no perfect way to live here. There is no perfect path, no perfect spiritual being. That is another form of bypassing our spiritual learning. This world of duality is our place to really investigate what we are doing, what we are believing, what side of the mind we are committed to. Holding on to an idea of what you should be as a spiritual being is coming from the ego’s need to be a certain way. This unrealistic distraction is a trap by the ego mind to keep you from implementing your spiritual compassion, connection, and understanding not only for yourself, but for everyone around you.

GET REAL! MEET YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE

In order to avoid spiritual bypassing, it’s important to get really grounded with yourself and look at where you currently are in your life. Really look at it! Notice when you use spiritual ritual or detachment to avoid a personal disturbance in your life. When are you using it as a benefit, and when are you using at as a means of running away? If you are avoiding the issues that are disrupting your life by yearning for awakening, it might be helpful to take a look within first, come to terms with what is really happening, seek solutions in whatever means necessary, then once you feel you are comfortable dealing with life’s recurring challenges, use the spiritual practice you desire to deepen your understanding not only of your spirituality, but what it means to incorporate your spiritual nature into your human experience.

Looking at your relationships as learning tools can pull you into a connection with spirit. It might be exactly what you need. Bringing these together can form a lasting transformation in your life for the better. You can feel yourself surrender to life, be more liberated spiritually, and still face life as it happens every moment. It doesn’t have to be one or the other, nor does it have to be all or nothing, you can see the mental workings of the mind, understand the ego and its tactics, how it has impacted your life, and choose to see differently. With every encounter, with each new positive or negative interaction in your closest relationships, is always an opportunity to see clearly, to accept the reality in front of you, and escape the trap spiritual bypassing presents.