Is It Personal or Is It Projection?
THE WORLD AS A PROJECTION
The world is a stage. And we are the actors. Just like Shakespeare expressed through his plays all of us are dressed up as what we believe ourselves to be and we participate in the world, interacting with others, exchanging glances, verbal exchanges, moments of laughter, moments of sorrow, times of incredible struggle, times of achievement, periods of incredible pleasure and enjoyment, and all the while we rarely pick up on the fact that we are acting. We are so involved in ourselves, with who think we are in this world that we lose sight of the broader view. It’s like we cannot even see beyond what is right in front of our faces. We take everything personally, as if everything is directed at us purposefully? But is that the case? Do you ever stop and pull back from the micromanagement of life and tap into the larger essence that surrounds us to see if that is valid? Is it personal or is it projection?
Living in the world is not easy. Depending on the type of persona you are projecting out to the world or toward others, you will get a certain response. The vast majority of the population is believing in their identity and that everything is happening to them. Most people are living with a reactionary response or a reactionary consciousness. It doesn’t even occur to them that there is another way to see. When most of us are running throughout the world, conducting our business, acting like we are the center of the universe and everyone else is just a supporting role, we can’t yet see that there is a door to be opened, a door leading us to a different way of life.
We all have emotional responses and feelings toward our friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, neighbors, clients, or simply the one-time encounters in a public space. If someone suddenly attacks us, holds a grudge against us, ridicules us, demeans us in any way, belittles us to the point of abuse, what are the first things we do? Most of us attack back, believe the attackers words, feel badly about ourselves because of this person’s onslaught of insults, and feel paralyzed to do anything about it or see it any other way. This is the reaction most of us project. We respond to everything around us and feel powerless to change it. The question is how can we turn the ship around and lighten this situation?
VICTIM OF THE ATTACK OR JUSTIFIED IN ATTACKING
When we are living closely with our small self, when we are submerged in our identity, our reaction to someone who is coming at us full throttle is to feel like the victim. They are the attacker, we are the attacked, correct? It certainly appears this way and when looking with our eyes, that is what is happening.
Let’s say you’ve had a horrible day, everything went wrong, and then on your way home somebody cuts you off and you slam on the brakes as your beverage of choice spills all over your newly cleaned interior. You then proceed to step into your home growling, spewing steaming gas out of your fire breathing nostrils, angrily bull dozing your belongings into your office, banging walls, and slamming doors. You bark at the first person who says anything to you, and they now feel like they have somehow discouraged you. Your scathing tone from all the previous experiences of your lovely day are now being unleashed onto this person who has nothing to do with your encounter, nor are they aware of them because you haven’t communicated this fact.
The person on the receiving end of your projection now feels horrible. They feel responsible like they contributed to your anger. Your projection has been thrown onto someone who had nothing to do with your problem in the first place. You can see that our inner world is projecting onto the world about how we feel, how we see, how we choose to behave. The unfortunate part is that not all of us are aware of this. If we are unaware we will feel justified in our wrath, or if we are on the receiving end we might feel highly offended, hurt, sad, depressed, you name it other peoples projections can be taken to heart without even knowing it.
If you are someone who has been in a repetitive cycle of receiving someone else’s anger, someone else’s negativity, someone else’s rage, someone else’s passive aggressive behavior, or even someone else’s manipulation, it can be very discouraging to say the least. It’s easy to feel powerless, to feel as if there is nothing you can do to free yourself from being the object of continual attack or abuse. You begin to feel the problem is you. You begin to feel that you’ve done something wrong. You begin to feel like you deserve it. Yet are any of these feelings true? Is that what is really going on, or is there much more to the story?
OPENING THE DOOR TO DISCERNMENT
If you stop for a moment and look, you can begin to discover that we all are emitting aspects of ourselves outward due to how we feel inside. Our inner world is a direct reflection of our thinking, our believing in our thinking, and our environmental experiences. None of us can possibly know what another person feels, thinks, or interprets at any given moment. So, when you find yourself acting like the attacker, or if you find yourself as the victim, can you begin to see that each person is projecting their own internal world onto the other one? Can you begin to ask questions and see not only what you are putting out there, but what the other person might be doing as well?
Understanding we all are the center of our own realities and displaying our own movie wherever we go, can start you down the path of self inquiry. When you are in an argument with someone else, when you are battling another in any way, can you see the actors on the stage? Can you see with the observer what you are doing and what the other person is doing? Can you shift your previous view of powerlessness into a more powerful sight? Can you begin to see that there is another way to see?
If the door to something different is propped open for you, by all means enter. See what’s there for yourself. Is the person attacking you because you did something wrong? Or is the person attacking you because they want to be right at all costs? No matter what the reasoning or explanation may be it is important to see it is merely a projection of an inward condition. Someone who feels at peace will not lash out at another, why would they? Anytime we lose it on someone or something else we are essentially saying we are in a state of conflict. We are in a state of inner disturbance or turbulence much like a tremor before the arrival of an earthquake.
Watching, looking, observing as you maneuver these aggressions is important in order to free yourself from feeling like the problem. Taking responsibility for anything you have done to contribute to the turmoil is essential, yet when the aggressions have nothing to do with you, how can you learn to simply see it as projection, to remove the personal involvement, and really understand that this person is simply throwing emotion all over you. When you see this, and you practice it over time, you will feel more at ease. You will see that this person is the one with the conflict and they are simply trying to make you believe you are their problem. If you know that is not the case, you can free yourself from taking it on personally. You can raise your own inner power and refuse to play victim or take on this person’s own confusion. You don’t have to feel badly anymore. You don’t have to believe you are the problem. You don’t have to let it ruin your day. Imagine what this person’s day is going to be like, probably not so hot! You certainly do not have to be pulled into the quicksand when you see it is merely projection.
CAN WE EMPATHIZE?
A more difficult task is learning to empathize with the one projecting such disturbance. Our human nature is to immediately hate the person, attack back, seek limitless revenge, or purposely ignore them, which unfortunately makes you just like them. When you see these behaviors coming at you and you don’t like it, the last thing you want to do is become them. That’s a recipe for disaster and a one-way ticket on the hamster wheel of life, but most of us will do just that. Because we are attached to our identities and we take everything so personally, we will defend that persona at all costs. However, when you begin to see that you are something much greater than the false self, you open up to the world of compassion, empathy, and forgiveness.
When you see someone absolutely losing it, flailing around without direction, lost in an internal tsunami of chaos, slashing people left and right, taking shots at whomever crosses their path, can you see that this person is simply crying out for help? Can you see that this person needs love? Can you see that this person is just like you, walking a difficult path to find Home? Can you see that this person needs peace, but doesn’t see it yet? Can you empathize and feel compassion toward their plight even when it’s directed at you? These are questions to ask yourself as the door into another way of being starts to shine its light.
Seeing this person in a new light, from a completely different side of yourself will help liberate your own conflict within. It will become clear that projection is how we operate and life doesn’t have to be personal. When we join with our larger awareness we don’t need to act so dramatically on the stage of life. It may be fun to play different roles and take on other people’s energy to keep things exciting, but can you do it and still know you are acting? Do you see that there is a choice to be made inside of you? All we have to do is simply shift how we see it.
Another aspect to think about is can you thank this person for the opportunity to see differently even though the experience was horrible? Can you see the attacker as a means to your mental freedom? Now that is not what the world will say, not at all, but can you see that these unwanted experiences can be transformed into peace, which ultimately leads to forgiveness.
CLARIFYING ANY CONFUSION
After seeing the stages we can go through when we feel personally attacked and how that can be transformed let’s clear up where the confusion may lie. When you are on the receiving end of any type of attack, it does not mean you need to tolerate it, absolutely not. If trying to discuss the matter is not working then you can take further action to eleviate the problem. You can tell this person you no longer wish to be around them, you can report this individual if they have violated your space, abused you in anyway, and broken any laws, you can choose whatever means necessary in the physical to make this a better environment for yourself. However, you can still do the inner work while you take care of your situation. You can still open the door to seeing the projection of this person as nothing more than that, a projection of an internal condition.
This type of practice takes time. We all get lots of practice everyday on many different levels when we deal with different types of people. If you are not around a lot of people, then ask yourself about the attack thoughts you may project toward yourself. Are you attacking yourself because of the way you feel inside? It certainly doesn’t need to be only experiences with others, this can be our own internal battle against ourselves, how we take our own thoughts personally and then project them internally. It works both ways, internally and externally.
The point of seeing ourselves and others as masters of projection will help guide you to see your own projections and how you receive them from others. When you begin to take the classroom seriously, to really look at this, to commit to seeing in a different light, and understanding that not everything is personal you will shift yourself into a more peaceful space. You will begin to lose the attachment to what other people think and say and understand that is a representation of them, not you. Depersonalizing your life leads to inner joy, happiness, and forgiveness. It allows you to feel lighter, freer, more flexible and fluid with who you really are, as well as have compassion for everyone you meet. We are all struggling somewhere in life, yet some of us no longer wish to live that way. We can always choose to see peace instead.