Happy Single-Hood: The Relationship with Yourself
CONDITIONED EXPECTATION OF MARRIAGE
It doesn’t take long after you are born to be indoctrinated with the concept of getting married and having a family. This is in the subtle conditioning we receive from those around us, as well as from the obvious hints the collective reinforces on a regular basis.
What’s in every Disney Princess storybook and movie that every little child becomes mesmerized in? There’s always the same theme. The princess is in a bad situation, either under a spell, castaway from the kingdom, or living as a slave, and the only thing that can save her is the handsome prince that will suddenly bring her a world of fantasy, perfection, and happiness.
The concept that the man will complete her, save her from her atrocious life, and make her happy forever is a theme not only woven throughout Disney, but it is in embedded in modern culture through novels, movies, music, social media, and religion.
Some may say these are just stories, no one believes any of this! Really?! Have you turned on the television today and seen the onslaught of dating shows? There are tons of them! Love is Blind, Married at First Sight, the Bachelor and the Bachelorette, Love Island, and a new series just released on Netflix called the Later Daters, for people in their 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s looking for another shot at love. If you think there isn’t a hidden cultural conditioning to find a partner in life, then I am not sure how you are missing all this! It’s blatantly in your face 24/7!
If you look far back into history marriage and arranged marriages have been very common. Most of this is stemming from religion. In major religions marriage is an expectation. God desires you to be married and create children.
You don’t even have to look at shows, movies, or novels either, just observe people around you. Have you ever been single? Do the people around you start trying to set you up on dates with their friends? Do they try and suggest that you should join new groups to meet someone?
Do they ever suggest that being single is an option? Most of the time that is a hard NO! Without realizing it, people have a conditioned expectation to find a significant other and get married. Share your life with someone, otherwise you’ll be lonely, unhappy, and miserable.
CHALLENGES OF PARTNERSHIPS
Within all the cultural conditioning of being married and sharing your life with someone, the difficulties that arise with partnerships are typically not the focus, although it certainly will be when you get married. After the honeymoon phase is over, there will always be challenges between two people.
One person may have greater expectations from the other person, than that person is willing to give. Some people become very needy and demand their partner treat them in certain ways, shower them with flattery, and expect a level of treatment that may be unattainable.
There are so many scenarios that can happen between two people. The general consensus for a struggling marriage is to get therapy and do everything you can to work it out. But, that is usually an ending battle as more marriages end in divorce today than ever before.
Maybe ending amicabbly is the best thing for both parties. Maybe living singly is a viable option that should be explored. Do you really need a marriage to live your life? Is there more you could discover on your own?
OPPORTUNITIES OF LIVING SINGLE
Many people who have lived the married life make the commitment to say YES to living single. For those that are looking for something different, living single is a wonderful time to explore YOUR life YOUR way! Who are you in this life when you are by yourself? What roles were you playing with your significant other that you now see no longer serve you? If you have been in a committed relationship for a very long time, discovering yourself in a whole new light will take time, but what an adventure to get excited about.
Think of all the things you’ll explore because no one else is holding you back. Think of all the things you can do without checking in with your other half. All you have to do is ask, “Is this what I want?” You can live as freely as you wish! You can enjoy anything in life all on your own. Anything you pursue in life can be just as fulfilling single! You can find real happiness, joy, and love within yourself! Who says you have to share it with anyone else. It can be a sacred experience all on your own.
The common notion that you are broken until you find your other half that completes you is spiritually absurd. This is what Disney and modern-day culture are pushing. Find your other half is a slogan used to push the married life. This sends people the wrong message. It implies that you are not whole until you find a significant other. How ridiculous is that? You are always spiritually whole underneath the ego’s identity. No other person can grant you true happiness or love. That comes from within.
Being single can give you the space to discover this within yourself. You might have a lot more time to connect deeply within, to feel the larger field of awareness that is there to guide you. It can be harder when you are distracted in relationships, kids, and family dramas. You can be so distracted with everyone else’s troubles, that you have no time to discover yourself as a spiritual being. Just look at the ancient contemplatives and mystics. Were they bringing their spouses and kids with them to find union with God? I don’t think so! They were on a spiritual endeavor to discover Divinity.
Living a single life can be just as rewarding, if not more rewarding than being married. You can be your authentic strong self without anyone telling you it’s right, wrong, weird, or openly criticizing you for trying something new. You don’t have to worry if you are making someone else happy, if they still love you, or are attracted to you. All of that is eliminated from your life when you shift into happy single-hood.
LIVE YOUR LIFE HOW YOU CHOOSE
The bottom line is, no one should dictate to you how to live your life. Not society, not your family, not your friend’s, and certainly not the plethora of dating shows trying to mold our reality. You have all the innate power to create the life you want, and if being single is the right thing for you, then do it fully!
Live beautifully single! Enjoy the freedom to do as you please, interact with others when you choose, try new things you have always dreamed of trying, and enjoy the simple time at home alone. Get comfortable in your space and make it YOURS! Design it with all things YOU, because if you’ve ever had to share space before, there is always a compromise on what your home looks and feels like. But now you don’t have to worry about that! Implement the things you love, the things that make you happy, into your living space that is now solely yours.
When people around you try to convince you you need to share your life with someone, that getting back out there again and dating will be good for you, honor what you really want. If the single life is for you, then tell them you are perfectly happy on your own. In fact, you’ve never been happier! Eventually, if they really care about you, they’ll stop and honor the life that you’ve chosen.